Panicking

Since I began this new adventure called “self-employment” I’ve had an almost daily panic attack. It starts out in reality like this:
What if I can’t make any money? What if my health is compromised? What if I don’t have enough students to make a go of this thing? What if I lose my singing voice and never sing again?
And degrades to: What if my teeth fall out? What if I lose my mind to boredom? What if I can’t afford to go get my gray hair colored? What if one day I forget to bathe? What if? What if? What if?….
So, I bought a lottery ticket.
One dollar’s worth of hopes and dreams on a shiny orange and white piece of paper.
What would I do if I won?
Of course I would give a bunch of it to my church and feed the poor and adopt an orphan and maybe, just maybe find a way to achieve world peace! I would take the lump-sum pay out, so that I could immediately begin to do great and wonderful things with all of the winnings. I imagine myself as this benefactor of charitable causes- super woman with a checkbook, with just enough left over to never have to worry about money ever again.

Will you be at all surprised to know that my numbers were not drawn? Neither was I.
Oh well- reality has a strange and funny way of creeping up on a person. This morning I woke up and I wasn’t any richer, or smarter or thinner than I was yesterday. When my hair dryer wouldn’t turn on the butler didn’t run out to the store to buy another one for me. I imagine that you woke up the same today as well.
It’s up to me- oh, and the One Who is Not Me (thanks Anne Lamott) to walk our way through this thing together.
From the Big Book of Wisdom (aka The Bible) Here is what God says in Jeremiah 29:11
I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (The Message)
Great song from Tommy Walker-

Follow along, if you like…. I have a hope, I have a future. I have a destiny that is yet awaiting me
My life’s not over, a new beginning’s just begun. I have a hope, I have this hope

God has a plan, it’s not to harm me, but it’s to prosper me and to hear me when I call
He intercedes for me, working all things for my good. Though trials may come I have this hope

Chorus- I will yet praise Him, my great Redeemer. I will yet stand up and give Him glory with my life
He takes my darkness and He turns it into light. I will yet praise Him, my Lord my God

My God is for me, He’s not against me. So tell me whom then, tell me whom then shall I fear
He has prepared for me great works He’ll help me to complete
I have a hope, I have this hope.

Goodness and mercy, they’re gonna follow me and I’ll forever dwell in the house of my great King
No eye has ever seen all He’s preparing there for me. Though trials may come, I have this hope
There’s still hope for me today, ’cause the God of heaven loves me!

Sing for your life today- we’ll talk later.
You ARE a blessed child of God,
Gayle

Posted in Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*